My grandmother Ruth, who is in her late 90s, has Dementia. For a good while, compounded no-doubt by the lockdown, she has been withdrawn and absent when engaged in conversation.
My visits (and virtual calls) have largely been met with silence and, in all honesty, I began to wonder if my grandmother even recognised me anymore.
I made my peace with the situation; she was silent but not uncomfortable. If anything she looked stable and content.
Then yesterday the most extraordinary thing happened!
I video-called my mother, not knowing she was at my grandmother’s home. Grandma Ruth answered the phone and said, “David!”.
I was astonished!
Then I saw my Grandma turn to my mother and say, “He’s the one training to be a Reform Rabbi, right?”
I was flabbergasted!
Grandma Ruth, an observant Orthodox Jew, turned back to me, and with a smile said, “Nu, so what do Reform Jews keep?!” My mother smiled; I smiled; my Grandma’s carer smiled! We all laughed!
Grandma Ruth had just made a joke! Not just a joke! Not just a joke that correctly identified me as a rabbinical student. Not just a joke that acknowledged our differing approaches to religion. But a joke, in whose telling, revealed my Grandma still recalled the uniqueness of our relationship. Only she would dare to make such a joke; anyone else would have brought on an awkward silence. Grandma Ruth, on the other hand, brought on laughter!
Later that night, as I reflected on what had transpired, I had the following thought:
I do not know why today was different but I am thankful for today.
Perhaps now this Ruth - my Grandma - will make regular appearances, or this may have been a one-off situation.
Either way, I am extremely thankful to have had this moment with her!
My visits (and virtual calls) have largely been met with silence and, in all honesty, I began to wonder if my grandmother even recognised me anymore.
I made my peace with the situation; she was silent but not uncomfortable. If anything she looked stable and content.
Then yesterday the most extraordinary thing happened!
I video-called my mother, not knowing she was at my grandmother’s home. Grandma Ruth answered the phone and said, “David!”.
I was astonished!
Then I saw my Grandma turn to my mother and say, “He’s the one training to be a Reform Rabbi, right?”
I was flabbergasted!
Grandma Ruth, an observant Orthodox Jew, turned back to me, and with a smile said, “Nu, so what do Reform Jews keep?!” My mother smiled; I smiled; my Grandma’s carer smiled! We all laughed!
Grandma Ruth had just made a joke! Not just a joke! Not just a joke that correctly identified me as a rabbinical student. Not just a joke that acknowledged our differing approaches to religion. But a joke, in whose telling, revealed my Grandma still recalled the uniqueness of our relationship. Only she would dare to make such a joke; anyone else would have brought on an awkward silence. Grandma Ruth, on the other hand, brought on laughter!
Later that night, as I reflected on what had transpired, I had the following thought:
I do not know why today was different but I am thankful for today.
Perhaps now this Ruth - my Grandma - will make regular appearances, or this may have been a one-off situation.
Either way, I am extremely thankful to have had this moment with her!
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